Last night Malachi and one other kindergarten student, as the best readers in their class, were chosen to go to the open house for next year's prospective students and parents to display their reading skills. About an hour before we left, Malachi's excitement suddenly turned to fear: "I don't want to go, Mom. Mom, I'm scared! Mom, I can't do it!"
I pulled out the Bible and turned to Joshua 1. What did God tell the Israelites when they were about to enter the promised land? "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." We prayed together for Malachi to be strong and of good courage and to remember that the Lord was with him. He still kept crying about how afraid he was.
As I went to my bedroom to get ready to leave, I found myself wishing Malachi could see the upcoming night as I saw it. I knew that he knew the words in his book by heart. I knew that the parents who would be there were harmless and loving, that if he messed up (which was unlikely), no one would care. In short, I knew there was nothing to be afraid of, that everything would be just fine.
Suddenly I heard the Lord's voice whisper to me, "Don't you know that's how I feel about you? I just wish you would trust me when I say that everything will be fine." I thought about the fears I daily dwell upon: What if I don't get an online job next year? What if we don't make enough money? How are we going to get by? What if people let me down? What if I don't get everything done today? How AM I going to get it all done, anyway? And on and on...
We went to the open house. Malachi and Maggie stood up to read. It took them about a minute to get through their little book, and they performed almost perfectly. It turned out fine, just as I said it would.
All my fears must sound as silly to the Lord's ears as Malachi's fears do to mine. I wonder why I have such a hard time trusting that the One who made the galaxies and the mountains, the One who rules nations and kings, the One who knows me intimately and has numbered all my days, would not be able to handle my fears. They seem so daunting to me, but they are so little to Him.
Let my children see me resting in You, so they will learn to rest and not be afraid.
