Saying yes

Dear Ben,

Today marks 13 years of saying yes.

That day in August we worshipped together, sang our hearts full with all of our friends and family. Do you remember? We knelt at the communion cup and tasted His sacrifice, marked our marriage by remembering. And you gripped my hands and promised me forever. 

Choose was the word we used that day. “I choose you.” We vowed to keep choosing.

It was easy to choose then, and it seemed like it would be easy forever. We felt that no one else had ever been this in love.

I remember in those early years wondering how love could get any better. I relished the newness, not wanting anything to come into our sacred place. I held tight to what we had, unwilling to change.

But things did change, as they always do, our lives carried forward on this unstoppable current, and our new love was bumped and battered and bruised and almost—almost—broken.

But you kept saying yes.

You chose.

And now I look at what time is making of our love, this once-fragile thing that is being shaped and polished and toughened. And I laugh at the girl who thought new love was the best love. This love—this choosing that has been tested by suffering and change and grief—this love is shaping me, too. Polishing. Toughening. And it is shot through with laughter and memories and hopes and joy, such joy.

And we are learning that it is never easy. We have failed one another again and again, and the world has failed us, and the things we thought our life would stand for are so much harder to take hold of than we ever thought.

But our choosing started with worship, with remembering and thanksgiving.

And that is what will keep us strong.

Worship.

Remembering.

Thanksgiving.

And that cup we held together 13 years ago, may it overflow into our choosing. May the melding of our lives be the gospel. May the Love that holds us together flood into our lives and remind us that all is glorious grace.

And joy is a choice too, and we will keep choosing joy.

I will keep saying yes.

All my love,

Julie