Get your toes wet

Early morning. Too early for two tousled-hair girls to be awake, disturbing my few moments of quiet before a busy day. But here they are, one on each side of me on the couch, squirming and expectant. Waiting for whatever I have to give.

But I have nothing to give them this morning. I struggle with the resentment that comes from the stretched- too-thin, running-on-empty, don't-know-what-to-do prayers they interrupted. Here is another need I feel helpless to meet.

Wearily I open The Jesus Storybook Bible and start to read. "Moses and God's people escaped out of Egypt and into the wilderness. They didn't know the way, but God knew the way and he would show them."

I read without paying much attention until I reach page two. "What were God's people going to do? In front of them was a big sea. It was so big there was no way around it. But there was no way through it--it was too deep. They didn't have any boats so they couldn't sail across. And they couldn't swim across because it was too far and they would drown. And they couldn't turn back because Pharaoh was chasing them."

This is beginning to sound familiar.

"They could see the flashing swords now, glinting in the baking sun, and the dust clouds, and chariot after scary chariot surging towards them. So they did the only thing that was left to do--PANIC!"

How many times have I read this story in my life? Yet have I ever really understood that place, standing on the thin strip of faith between death and destruction? That place where my own strength can do nothing, IS nothing, and there is nowhere to go. Where panic grips the heart and I long for the safety of slavery again.

"'We're going to die!' they shrieked.

"'Don't be afraid!' Moses said.

"'But there's nothing we can do!' they screamed.

"God knows you can't do anything!' Moses said. 'God will do it for you. Trust him. And watch!'"

In the Biblical account in Exodus 14, Moses says to the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will accomplish for you today." But God says to Moses, "Why do you cry to me? Tell the children of Israel to go forward."

Oh, of course, God. Go forward. Right into all that churning water. Right into the sea of fear that will swallow me up forever.

If God were the sarcastic type, I could see him rolling his eyes. "Don't you get it yet? Is that how little you really trust me?"

Why does God's deliverance so often take us to the wilderness instead of straight to the Promised Land? I wonder. If the Israelites had not had this experience (and the thousands of other experiences of God's faithfulness), if they had not had to walk right up to the sea and get their toes wet, would they have ever really known God? Would they have ever truly understood what He wants to set us free from?

Slavery, yes. Oppression, yes. Doubt and crippling fear, yes.

Psalm 106:8 says, "He saved them for his name's sake, that he might make his mighty power known."

He wants us to know him, and so he's in the business of making himself known. And when we know him, we are set free from more than we ever thought possible. And when that sea opens up right there before us and our feet trod the muddy path of grace through death, we begin to know the power of this crazy love.

Maybe I need to get off the couch of desperate prayers and get my toes wet. Walk into that sea and watch God work.