Breathing lessons

Today was one of those days. You know the ones. The days when the messes take over your life. I won't shock you with all the gory details, but the messes definitely won today. By the time I got to dinner, I had just enough sanity left to throw some hot dogs and leftover mac and cheese in the microwave for the kids. Good thing I made a big salad yesterday to go with it. 

After bath time, which was much later than planned because of Youngest Daughter's refusal to eat the hot dog I had labored over, said daughter began wailing as I was talking on the phone with my husband, who was woefully absent this evening. "I wanted to pick out MY OWN pull up!" This she screamed over the sounds of my son's screeching from the other room as he practiced his recorder. Not to be outdone, my other daughter began crying as she had put her nightgown on backwards and apparently had her still-wet arms stuck in the sleeves. In the meantime, the dog got into the trash and I could feel the piles of dirty dishes in the kitchen just laughing at me. 

I somehow managed to get everyone into bed and even did a few of the dishes. I sat on the couch and thought about the laundry lurking in the laundry room and the clean sheets waiting to be put on the bed. I thought of the messes I had been cleaning up all day and the messes waiting for me tomorrow. I started crying. I know, I know. I really should be grateful for the messes, but tonight? Not so much. 

I knew I had to pull it together and write about abiding in Christ. I am obviously excelling at it. Instead, just for fun, I looked on Wikipedia for the word "maid."

What I found was rather enlightening.

For instance, I read that a maid is a domestic servant that usually only the wealthiest houses can afford, particularly a live-in maid. I also learned that in a great house, there are many types of maids.

• Parlour maid--keeps everything tidy and presentable, serves tea and refreshments, and helps to serve dinner.
• Chamber maid--keeps the fires lit in the fireplaces and maintains the bedrooms.
• Laundry maid--maintains the bedding and towels and washes, dries, and irons clothes for the whole household.
• Nursery maid--works in the children's nursery, maintaining cleanliness and good order.
• Kitchen maid--the head kitchen maid plans and oversees meals while the under kitchen maid prepares vegetables, peels potatoes, and assists in preparing the meals and making them look presentable.
• Scullery maid--washes all dishes, glassware, and cutlery and scrubs the floors. 

And then of course there are the maids to the maids. But I won't get into that.

It does make me feel a teeny bit better that there are SIX kinds of maids to do the things I do every single day. 

If you haven't guessed by now, I was throwing a little pity party. 

And then I read Ann Voskamp's post about joy that you really must stop and read immediately. And I thought of how I snapped at the kids, hung up on my husband, complained to a friend. Of how I never once thought about Christ or about abiding in Him until I finally collapsed in a defeated heap on the couch.

Voskamp writes, 

Do I really smother my own joy because I believe that anger achieves more than love? 

That Satan’s way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my daily life than Jesus’ way? Why else get angry? 

Is it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment will pound me up into the full life I really want? 

When I choose — and it is a choice — to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness? 

Choosing the angry way of Lucifer because I think it is more effective — more expedient— than giving thanks? than living joy?”

Ouch.

And then there is the "cloud of witnesses" who already spoke so powerfully to me this month about why we are doing this, what it's all for. 


And there is Jesus.

It's right there in Hebrews 12, and if I would have stopped and listened, I would have seen it coming, the snare laid for me, and maybe I would have been prepared.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

"For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls" (Hebrews 12:1-3).

So what if I AM a maid? I'm following in the footsteps of my Savior, who willingly made Himself of no reputation, took the form of a servant, and poured out His life (Philippians 2:7-8), and He did so for the joy of it.

It's just like He told us. If I abide in Him, I abide in His love, and my joy is full (John 15:11).

And how do I abide in His love? By keeping His commandments (John 15:10). And what are His commandments?

"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" (John: 15:12-13).

I don't think anyone around me felt very loved tonight. 

Ann Voskamp again:

Why let anything steal your joy? 

If the Joy of the Lord is my strength, then why let anything steal my strength?  

The Joy of the Lord is our strength — and anger leaves everyone weak.

I'm reminded again that it's like breathing, this choosing. I can choose to love, to abide, to let His joy fill me. 

I guess I need to take some breathing lessons. 

Day 22 of Abide: 31 Days of Resting in Him

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