Yield yourself

One would think that writing daily about abiding would cause me to abide in Him more and more.

I could lie and tell you that is true.

The truth is that I am thinking about abiding in Him more and more. But actually doing it?

I yelled at my kids today more than once. I was sharp with my husband on the phone. I resented doing the dishes and the laundry and cleaning the house and grading papers and driving my kids all over town. I even almost kicked the cat (don't tell my husband!). I thought of myself more than anyone else, and those thoughts pretty much carried the day. I had a few brief, shining moments of remembering to turn to Him, but the little kingdom of me quickly kicked Him off the throne and regained the spotlight.

So when I sat down tonight to write about abiding in Christ, I found I had nothing to say. Truth is, I'm weary. My head aches. And I know I screwed it up today. How can I pretend to know about this thing when I am the one who most needs to learn?

Then I found Andrew Murray. An amazing little book called Abide in Christ.

"More than one admits that it is a sacred duty and a blessed privilege to abide in Christ, but shrinks back continually before the question: Is it possible, a life of unbroken fellowship with the Saviour? Eminent Christians . . . may attain to it; for the large majority of disciples . . . so fully occupied with the affairs of this life, it can scarce be expected. They are too weak, too unfaithful--they never can attain to it.

Dear souls! How little they know that the abiding in Christ is just meant for the weak, and so beautifully suited to their feebleness. It is not the doing of some great thing, and does not demand that we first lead a very holy and devoted life. No, it is simply weakness entrusting itself to a Mighty One to be kept--the unfaithful one casting self on one who is altogether trustworthy and true. Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us. . . Our part is simply to yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has engaged to perform. 

Yield.

Trust.

Wait.

The trouble with my day started when I never made it past that first word. I took up my agenda and planted it firmly in my thoughts, and there wasn't any room for Christ. I couldn't trust when I was never yielded. And I couldn't wait if I never came to Him to begin with.

We make this so difficult when all it takes is letting go. As Murray says:

My beloved fellow-believer, go, and take time alone with Jesus . . . yield yourself this very day to the blessed Saviour in the surrender of the one thing He asks of you: give up yourself to abide in Him.  

There's that phrase again--time alone with Jesus. When will we learn this is where it starts?

But we don't want to give up ourselves. We fear what will happen when we do. Our tightly-wound world will come all unraveled. But what if that is precisely what He wants?

I was challenged last summer to make my following of Him fun. 

Fun? Really?

I think it starts with abiding. Because then we are on His turf, and then we can really hear His voice.

But maybe we don't really think He is fun. Or trustworthy.

I'm going to start over tomorrow. And I'll keep Murray's words in mind:

Abide in me: These words . . . are the command of love, which is ever only a promise in a different shape. Think of this until all feeling of burden and fear and despair pass away, and the first thought that comes as you hear of abiding in Jesus be one of bright and joyous hope: it is for me, I know I shall enjoy it.

Day 14 of Abide: 31 Days of Resting in Him

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